I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
