that's an acceptable place to lick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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