My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
