I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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