Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
