Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
