i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
