you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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