we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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