dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
