haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
