I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
