hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
