:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
