We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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