My balls are so social today.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
