I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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