no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
