My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish there were birth control emojis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
