he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
