The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
