A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
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I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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