your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
