things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
