it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize