Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
