No, drunk sperm still make babies.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
