quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
