My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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