yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
