at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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