they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
