Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
