i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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