seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
