I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I could fuck to npr.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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