This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
