it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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