He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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