You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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