And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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