That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
