2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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