I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
