ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
