Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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