I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
whose parrot is this?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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