they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
