Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
