I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
