why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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