When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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