he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
