i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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