Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
