My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
