We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
