Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
