Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
