Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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