Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
