I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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