Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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