we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
