Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
