So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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