Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i need an iv and a liver transplant
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
