I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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