Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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