Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
