girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
