You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
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so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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