hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
