When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well you can't waste a boner
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
