Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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