you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
