a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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