I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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