Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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