More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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