he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
