A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize