Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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