seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
