We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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