things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
