when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A bitchslap is in order.
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