i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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