I'm eating all of the evidence.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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