Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
