No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
