Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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