This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
